Surviving: Three Under 3

The birth of our twins left us marveling at the fact that we had three kids under the age of 2. Now, a short and long year later, they've turned into three under 3. By now, I thought we'd be thriving. The fact is, though, we're still surviving, at best. As each day draws to a close and I'm once again sitting in my bed and crying in my beer (sometimes metaphorically and sometimes quite literally), my surpressed thoughts surface. I didn't ask for this. I never would have picked to have twins when I already had a young child. I'm not one of those moms. I want a spotless house and a set routine and perfectly dressed kids. I should be there by now.

I then notice myself accelerating down that very slippery slope of negativity and quickly dig my heels into the surface of my mind (yes, even THAT surface is covered in granola bar crumbs). I have to catch myself there and make my way back up to the cliff where I started, because even I know that teetering on the edge of my sanity is better than wallowing in a valley of self pity and depression. I remind myself that we've only made it this far unscathed because of the affirmation we've been fed by all the wonderful people around us and the positivity we've exuded (sometimes forced...fake it 'til ya make it). I must get back to there.

I put down my knife beer and grab my phone to start Googling phrases like "How to survive twin toddlers" and "When do twins get easier?" And what I found was comforting. Sure, there were those freak mothers posting about how they have one set of triplets and two sets of twins and swear they were born to have children and never want to be out of baby phase. But, mostly, there were mothers of multiples like me, struggling through each day and feeling like a failure most of the time. They love their children with all their hearts and fear that they aren't being able to provide what they need as individuals because...there's more than one of them. It was those mothers I needed to hear from. And what they said was this:

LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

I needed to hear this. I have always had high expectations for everything. Mainly myself. I'm the girl who never took a single home-ec class because I filled my schedule up with extra AP science classes to boost my GPA. I mean, what a dork, right? If I could go back, I'd lighten up. And that's just what I need to do now. This is not a phase that we'll be in forever. Perfection is not something we can do right now. I have to learn to be OK with that.

The mothers of multiples who were the happiest when their kids were babies were the ones who said they expected NOTHING. They just made it through the weeks one day at a time. This made me really take a look at my daily frustrations and examine what causes them. When I'm stressed out most is when I'm just doing too much. It's when I'm trying to juggle the kids while crocheting a Halloween costume, painting a wall, and preparing a Pinterest dinner. It's too much. And nobody expects me to do any of these things except for ME. Sometimes I just need somebody to grab me by the shoulders and tell me to cancel my Pinterest account and throw a Stouffer's frozen dinner in the microwave. I need somebody to throw my arts and crafts supplies in the trash and tell me to go sit on the play room floor and watch Barney with the twins for the next year. There will be a time when the kids are in school and I can decorate my house and cook fancy meals and craft until my little heart desires. But now I just need to expect to do NOTHING but make it through the day and make those kids smile.

And I have to forget those unrealistic, almost nostalgic notions I have about how certain things should go. I set myself up for disappointment when there's no reason to. Let's be serious, when was the last time Christmas went perfectly with a family full of adults who all dress themselves and use the potty unassisted? So, it's moronic for me to "expect" any situation to go as planned when I have three very needy, unpredictable babies.

I'm done. Done with expectations. From now on, I'm just going to enjoy the chaos. I know this is easier said than done (especially for a perfection-oriented person), but I'm going to work on it. And when I do have expectations for a situation, I'm going to work on making them realistic. Examples:

My expectations of a family zoo trip:

Realistic Expectations: Make it through the zoo without any child being eaten by a lion.

My expectations of nightly dinners:

Realistic Expectations: If nobody cries until they pass out, call it a win.

You get the idea. Ah...I love a fresh start. We get one each day, if we're lucky. So, I'm going to publish this post without even proof reading it (watch out. living on the edge.) and go do NOTHING but play with babies today. I'm so glad I have this blog. It's much cheaper than therapy. I hope you all have a great day full of realistic expectations!